2nd Breakdown

I broke down for the 2nd time today.

This morning, when I woke up, I felt very tired & wanted to go back to sleep. On top of that, I didn't feel too good. Hopefully it's not coz I am coming down with the flu again. However, I can't sleep longer as I need to get up to look after the kids. At about 1pm, we went out for lunch & to see Kel's new office. After that, we went to Kel's friend's cake shop to collect the mooncakes which we had ordered for our corporate clients.

We reached home at about 5pm. While I was packing the bread & cakes which we had bought at the cake shop away in the kitchen, Dawn came in & saw a cake with a hello kitty topper on it. She wanted to eat it. I told her to wait & I would get her plate for her so that I can put the cake onto the plate. The impatient gal couldn't wait & decided to take the cake by herself. As expected, the cake dropped onto the floor. That was when I lost it & started yelling at her.

Dawn started wailing. On hearing the commotion, Daryl rushed into the kitchen & started to comfort Dawn. At the same time, he pulled Dawn out of the kitchen & closed the door behind them. Behind the door, I can hear Daryl telling Dawn that she must be a good gal, cannot make Mummy angry. Since she's naughty, she must say sorry & hug hug & kiss kiss Mummy.

When I heard that, I sat down on the floor & broke down in tears. I can't believe that I had turned into this monster who yelled at my kids. I know that it's coz I am too tired recently. I have been juggling my kids, work & the housework at the same time. All these had taken a toll on me, physically & mentally.

Kel was in the bathroom when the incident happened. He came down & found Dawn wailing her lungs out, Daryl comforting her & me sobbing on the kitchen floor. What a sight it must had been. He went to carry Dawn & tried to comfort her. He finally settled her by switching on her favourite barney show. Then he came into the kitchen to help me to clean up. By then, I had cleaned up all the mess already.

After these 2 incidents, I think I need help already. Now the thing is, what kind of help?